On this episode, Spencer and Jack discuss what Christians get wrong about sex and marriage, the dangers of those wrong teachings, and what we can do to be better.

Music:
“Kid Kodi”
Blue Dot Sessions
http://www.sessions.blue

Episode #47 – Undervaluing Sex and
Overvaluing Marriage

The church, in many ways, has the opposite problem as the world. We tend to undervalue sex and overvalue marriage. 

Undervaluing Sex

• We don’t talk about sex in church
  • Our unwillingness to talk about sex in church gives greater power to sexual sins, which leads to many other problems. 
  • Speaking about something shines a light on the darkness. 
  • Every study that has ever been done on sexuality has shown that the more you talk about sex (i.e., the more knowledge people have about sex) the less likley they are to engage in negative sexual behavior.
    • This includes teenagers and young adults. 
    • This reality also extends to the availability of contraception. 
• The church is scared of sex.
  • We push people, particularly men, to get married because we don’t believe they can control their sexual desires.
    • We support such a belief with 1 Cor 7:9. 
    • However, this disregards other statements by Paul.
      • 1 Cor 7:8 – Paul says it is better to remain single. Obviously, not every Christian is called to singleness, but Paul at least believes that enough people have the capacity to remain single to make the statement. 
      • Col 3:1–17 
  • We caution men and women, especially men, not to be friends, not to be alone together, etc.
    • It is important to understand ourselves, our temptations, and set appropriate boundaries for our personality. 
    • Think about what this says about our view of women. We sexualize women, by trying not to sexualize them, because they become just sexual temptations that men have to run away from. 
  • If we believe in the power of the Holy Spirit to completely transform our lives, can we not expect more of Christians, particularly Christian men? Should we not expect the Spirit to be able to help us control our desires and steward our sexuality in the way God intends? 

Overvaluing Marriage

• As previously mentioned, our undervaluing of sex has led to us pushing Christians, particularly Christian men, to get married because we don’t believe they can control their sexual desires. 
• We talk about marriage as if it is the epitome or highest level of Christianity. We design our Bible classes, small groups, and church activities around families and children, and disregard our single Christians and couples without children.
  • 1 Cor 7:8
• As Christians, we believe that true life and satisfaction comes through a relationship with God, not with another human being. We believe that all people, single or married, through the power of the Holy Spirit, can live a faithful life of obedience and service to God. 
• We also talk about children as the epitome or highest level of a Christian marriage. We expect Christian couples to have children. Sometimes, we even support, particularly mothers, staying home with children as the best and superior option.
  • As we spoke about last week, being a stay-at-home parent is a beautiful and difficult calling. However, Scripture never says that this is the only way to organize a family nor that it is a superior way to other options. 
  • Not every person, particularly not every woman, has the personality and/or gifts to be a stay-at-home parent. 
  • Some people need a little time, every once in a while, away from their children to recharge. That is perfectly fine and natural for many parents. 
  • You can be just as faithful of a Christian in the business world as at home. 
  • In other, we should not be shaming parents, particularly mothers, who choose not to stay home. We should not expect every parent, especially mothers, to have the kind of personality to be able to be with their kids 24/7. That is not what makes a parent a good parent. A good parent cares for the needs of their children, treats them with love and respect, and raises them up in the Lord.
    • Col 3:18-21; Eph 5:21-33 

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Listen to our previous episode discussing how the world overvalues sex and undervalues marriage here: